Baby Steps

We adopted Opie from the Columbia Humane Society, became official today. 

It has been months since I have posted. I have let the fear put me farther from my dreams than I
wanted to have happen. Then life happened now PTSD is trying to control my life and I am trying to control it instead.  A lot has been happening in just a short few months, while my tiny house dream still sits in an unorganized pile in the backyard through the leaves falling and the snow cover other things have been happening. Just before Christmas we got a breeding pair of American Chinchilla Rabbits. Shortly later I found three free bucks to dis-batch. We adopted a dog, found two more bucks to add to our rabbitry this time Giant Flemish, Mr. Man quit his job, our American Chinchilla had their first litter, seeds got ordered for our garden and I had a break down.
Homesteading is my end goal my tiny house is what I plan on living in to help get up there. I am lucky enough to live with some amazing friends on just under an acre where not only am I building my tiny house but also educating myself on skills that will be needed once I have land in my hands to develop my own permaculture homestead that will give me self-sustainability. The first of many skills we have chosen to develop is a meat rabbitry. I researched information for weeks as to what is easier chickens or rabbits. Introduced the idea to our roommates of us raising rabbits for the meat. That is where the problem was found. One roommate has fuzzy animal syndrome, the other just doesn't like to eat rabbit. I brought the idea up time and time again met with the same answers. We went out and got a breeding pair of American Chinchilla Rabbits for $40 and they are just the sweetest things. With an agreement in place that we name our foodstock food names and pets get well pet names they were named Sundae and Zinc. Our rabbitry began in secret, we were still being met with obstruction by the roommates. The bathroom of our 26' trailer that was being used as my walk-in closet instantly became our rabbitry it was that was for a month. completely a secret. We didn't want our rabbits to have such a shut in life but we were trying to get the roommates to change their minds about just having them around. Then I found three free blue rabbits on craigslist for free. Perfect we could use them to practice on and see if the roommates would freak out if we all of a sudden had rabbit meat showing up.  Mr. Man was away on business when the new rabbits showed up this meant the disbatching was put on hold for a few days and for almost a week my tiny bathroom was home to five rabbits! The roommates were out for the day when we chose to process the three. My yahoos were home to help. We first watched a video on youtube as to of what process was to be expected while they watched us do it to our three. They were given the options to watch or play. They both chose to watch the first one be wacked. Kanga was good seeing that and decided he had seen enough and went off to play. The Monster stuck around and watched the whole process on all three rabbits. Each time one life was taken he cried and cried and cried. He was so sad that their life was gone but understood why we were doing it. He is such a sensitive and caring child. It was a really sweet experience to share with him.

Three meat rabbits we picked up for free. They made for some yummy meals!

A few weeks went by and we shared some meat with our roommate with the fuzzy animal syndrome and she loved it. We were not being as nearly secretive about our secret rabbitry and then moved them outside. Mr. Man built them a set of larger cages on a hutch from reclaimed wood that we had lying around. Just in time too! The morning after they were done being built we found that Sundae had indeed mated with Zinc while we were doing the processing of the other three meat rabbits! There were eight cute wiggly little rabbits. Day two we went and checked on them and found a runt. We did our best to help the little guy have a fighting chance and supplemented it for two days until it lost the battle yesterday. The other kits are doing amazing and its been fun watching them grow so quickly doubling in size everyday it seems. Sundae did an amazing job at building a nest. We were not sure if she really was pregnant so there was no nest box in the cage. She pulled quite a bit of hair and piled up straw. We plan on selling a few, eating a few, and giving one away. I feel that we got some where from the goodness of other people and I need to give back to that goodness and help others get ahead as well.

Sundae and and her nest. We have since added a box for protection and she has lost one kit.

Life Changing

I am scared. There I said it. Now its out in the world for every one to know. Why am I so scared? you are probably wondering. Failure its what I have been so fantastic at in the past. I am so use to failing. It has taken me years to figure out why at every turn I was met with failure. I was basing my actions on everyone else's reactions or needs. There have been positive qualities learned from this skills in compassion, friendliness, need to follow the rules, creative people skills. (As a youth being raised in mostly Mormon settings I got labeled the brown noser quite frequently.) The negatives are what I am left struggling to reclaim and re-purpose into something new. 

Number One is asking for help. I need to learn to reach out and do this more often. I have low self worth and think that there is no way that little ol' me could have any sort of impact on anyone around me, yet I have heard from many people how valuable I am to them it just doesn't make that connect, my wires are broken maybe? 

Number Two Stop self destructive behaviors. Now I am not quite sure self destructive is the word but I have my dream sitting in front of me. Its RIGHT THERE I can actually reach out and touch it. (I have with a sledgehammer) Yet I am dragging my feet. I have been beating myself up why why is it so close yet I have done nothing. It hit me, its my dream I am doing this myself, for myself with the amazing support of the most amazing friends one could have anywhere in the world and it is the first time I have tried to do anything for me. I am scared shitless that I can't do it. There is so much unknown. So much outside my comfort zone. I guess that leads us to 

Number Three  Throw the comfort zone out the window. Do new things. I use to love to explore and do new things. Every day as a child I spent having amazing adventures whether it was the real world or my world the adventures were always new and different. Now that scares me. What do people think of me? why do I care so much about this? what if I look retarded doing it? What if I do not get it right on the first try? So much to over come and they seem so silly saying out loud.

I have a secret to tell. This mess of tearing down the trailer gives me a tremendous sense of doom paired with over whelming anxiety.  The smell and stuff everywhere inside I emotionally feel like I am being transported back to my childhood. Standing on the ground watching the guys tear into this rotten mold ridden thing my heart is pounding overly worried about them being hurt by the mess or falling through the floor or something falling on them. With my heart pounding, my hands grow sweaty, my mind starts racing, I get overly antsy and it feels like the whole world shrinks. Not how I thought this process would go. I love being able to destroy stuff! How much freaking fun is it to just smash the heck outta something! You don't get to do stuff like that very often I was looking forward to it. Thankfully Pat and Neal  have thoroughly enjoyed smashing it to pieces and there is about only a third left standing on the frame. 

Neal spent a few hours beating the trailer with a shovel since all the tools were on a job.

Let me tell you about the life changing thing that has happened for the tiny house. It will be having a flat roof. Silly I know, but it is actually kinda a huge deal. I hate feeling like I am living in a box. I need more creative ascetics than little boxes all made out of ticty tacty. I was planing on doing a barn type roof for my tiny house. I felt that this would give the maximum head space within the lofts. I knew all along a flat roof would ideally provide the maximum but I did not want to live in a box. I have seen many tiny houses look like this and it just did not reach out to me and say I'm yours! They did nothing to inspire me. One day trying to do some research for figuring out a floor plan for my trailer I was browsing through the The Small House Forum and stumbled upon Ragsdale Homes Tiny Houses on Wheels. They put a patio on the roof!! It seemed like my whole life just changed before my eyes. It totally gave me a DUH! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!?! moment. Genius. It also made me think about this picture of a DIY stargazer fort/platform that I had been seeing on Pinterest.

http://www.ducotedechezvous.com/vivredehors/Jardin%20et%20bassin/cabane-en-mezzanine-pour-jardin,1227050725.html

I am a huge sucker for the stars, in fact I have two tattooed on me. How perfect for me to have my own cozy stargazing platform on the roof oh the memories I can see making there already. It has made me excited to see the finished product.

Here is my first attempt at tackling challenge number one. I need help will you please help me? How can you help me you ask. Kind words are helpful, pass my blog around tell all your friends about my project this leads to a wider berth of help, want to help tear down clean up or build feel free to contact me, want to donate to the building process? things I need 2x4s around 90 of them guesstimate, wiring, any kind of tool, fasteners. That's a few of the big things I need. Wish me luck in finding the strength to break through this self built wall that I can finally reclaim all that is mine.

Major Tiny House Distruction

Happy Fantastic Saturday everyone!(Well now its your Sunday but this was our busy Saturday) Our morning around here started kind of dreary full of rain and found a new leak in the trailer I am borrowing for a place to stay. After so much sunshine this summer I know the blackberries are thankful for the rain right at the peak ripening period but I did not enjoy waking up to the gray skies, I thought for sure the day would be lost as we got up and moving around. Oh how funny the twist of life. We found our way to Aurora Quality Buildings located in Marysville, Wa. Don't fret they can be found online as well at www.minicabins.com. This place has been there for years. I always look over as I am passing by on I-5 but never had made the point to stop. I figured there would not be a better time than when I was starting my own tiny house build! So glad I got to stop in while most sheds or mini cabins where quite a bit larger and smaller than what I am planing to build it was great to see a staircase incredibly similar to the I want to install in my own tiny house to house my sewing madness. It was just fun to be able to walk through them and see the little details close up so that I could visualize more fully the different possibilities for my own tiny dream.

After an amazing lunch on the cheap from Winco smoked salmon with avocado, along with some humus and Blue Diamond Nut-Thins (have you tried these? they are amazing also gluten and dairy free) it was great. Feeling a little jealous? You should, it was as good as it sounds and it cost the same to have this amazing lunch as it would have been to have fast food meal. Once done eating lunch and enjoying the sun that had started to bake down on the car we got a move on to go window shop at Cabela's. See what a wonderful day it was playing in cabins and Cabela's added sunshine its great. 

Once home I decide there is a pile of wood that is not going to de-nail itself. I was doing it the hard way to start with. Plucking a piece haphazardly out of this large jumble and plopping it on top of the highest area of the pile leaning over and bang/prying nails out of them. I didn't realize how strong I was and managed to break a few in half, we can just keep it a secret that they were nearly rusted through right? Then picking them up and placing them in a pile. Handful in and my back was sore from the bending to pry and my forearms were sore from the abuse. My handyman Pat handed me a pair of nail biters at the same time a light clicked on in my head. I grabbed the table I had found inside the trailer itself and plied them up on top of there and began plucking out the nails. After a while I fell into a patterned assembly line and the pile of nailed wood shrunk. (which meant the de-nailed pile grew hehe) 

Right about the time that the pile I was digging through was impossible for my puny arms and I was sore the real distruction party got started! It started with one tiny worker ant intent on inflicting huge damage. Shoveling is the way to solve the siding project. Much larger surface than a typical pry bar. You can still see my overly refined graffiti art on door, OH!The talent! wink wink. I had a feeling this would not be adorning the trailer for much longer as to I could hear Pat on his way out across the yard following close behind I could hear The Boy chattering away. Two men set on distruction, the trailer had no idea what was coming. Appearing out of no where was a narrower shovel with a jagged blade. Unfortunately it was also about the same time my phone died and I got no pictures. Not long after Mindy is standing beside me asking where the heck was the sledge hammer she wanted to do some damage. On the hunt for a sledge hammer I went, and then the damage really began.

I got in on the fun as well but there is only a video :-/ once my phone was charged enough I grabbed some more pictures of random things that we found in the trailer or random fun details I love photography and have always had a problem with having a ton of photos of every thing I do. Does any one else deal with this same infliction?

My tiny house beginnings and introduction to the blogasphere.

(Insert witty attention grabbing opening line here) I have been researching tiny house living for about three years now and yet the more I read the more I feel I know nothing. I am going to dive into this world with my eyes shut it feels; it is terrifyingly exciting to see that I am building my dreams the way that I want them built not only in my recycled good tiny house dream but other aspects of my life as well. It feels like such a revolution becoming a part of the tiny house movement and more personally true to myself. When I was a really young child with hours to get lost in my imagination I would dream that I was born into the gypsy world living in brightly decorated caravans, living off the land, nomadic experience, with lots of kids and people around for community. Some notion about it seemed so romantic and really resonated with me. Then life slapped me in the face and I lost quite a bit of that part of me. Moved out of the country into the city from house to house blending in like a common chameleon. This left me second guessing what people want; making decisions harder due to me basing them on what other people may want not what I want.

Doug, the trailer donater, hooking it up to be pulled home.  

Trying to blend into mainstream society was awkward. Don't get me wrong I do my best to follow all laws, be kind and respectful to all that I meet, and give where I can. The hard part was being stuck in the city I was always looking for an excuse to be away from the little box I rented to live in and be out in the woods or at the water. Life feels like it happened at lightening speed those years and I quickly felt lost, alone and scared. Some hard choices had to be made and then things fell apart for a while. During the fall down the rabbit hole something just clicked. All the pieces of myself that I had secretly been collecting and hiding from ... well myself, just seemed to fall into place and there was this magical notion that I could do what I wanted. (okay it may not have been that great of imagery I may have just been at rock bottom taking a super hot shower overly hating myself and it kinda sneaked up behind me and slapped me in the face but the former just sounds more intriguing doesn't it?) 

I can do whatever I want for me.

Well couldn't I? I am always working hard for other people so they can do whatever they wanted, why couldn't I just do me? Great thought. It has been years of a journey but I think I am just now getting comfortable doing something that makes me happy. I don't stress out nearly as much while not everyday is ubberly happy I am happy everyday. There is always laughter. whether it's at me always something I said or hurt myself for the third time that day, kids there are plenty in and out of the house they get crazier everyday, or some other randomness going on its great fun.
Within that fun time I have found the confidence to build my own tiny house on wheels. So many people have thought I am crazy but the more research I do the more I feel that I can do it even if all that research makes it seem even more daunting with all the details and choices that can be made that in all reality I know to nothing about. Besides knowing that I didn't feel comfortable with anything under 18' or over 26', it would need two sleeping lofts, stairs that would double as more storage and area to house my sewing machine also useful for pets to climb, my bathroom some day double as a sauna, and my floors done in brown paper bag texture. I got that far, then totally discouraged. It was never going to happen. I told a friend about my crazy hair-brained idea and he loved it, setting it on fire.

I started researching more hounding craigslist and just talking to people about my dream of recycling to give homeless me a home that no one could take away. That's when the magic started. Friends started talking to friends and all of a sudden magic happened and I was given a travel trailer. Things are just speeding by since then. Started with a find on Cragslist for free partial board and other random wood items, next came some pallets, some reclaimed lumber, a stack of OSB. During this time we are slowly pulling the trailer apart to be able to recycle the metal and not make to bad of a mess. As the pile of wood grows and the trailer slowly comes apart time is speeding by and it hits me I have a lot that needs to be gathered and a ton that needs to be researched.

I pulled down this wall all by myself felt so good!

Things that need to happen ASAP

• Floor plan
• Fully demoed trailer
• Gather more tools
• Research more power options
• Gather framing lumber

I am so happy that you found me and my little corner of the net I know next to nothing about this newfangled-thingy-ma-bobber called technology. Please bear with me as this is going to be one of those learn as I go things (hmm sounds like the rest of my life) I promise that I will make wildly inappropriate faux pas, incohesive, and funk-edified mistakes along the way. I blame this on being ADD, eccentric idiosyncrasies and well just me. The plus side I love learning new things. Better yet I love people who love to teach me new things because that is how I learn best: someone showing me while hands on. While you are here I hope you enjoy my little space maybe learn a little about tiny houses, living more simply, or just seizing the day. I would love to hear from you any comments, thoughts or questions I am a fairly open person and love getting to know others. So pull up a comfy chair and get ready to follow me on my next crazy ride I promise there will be laughter, great friends, amazing memories and maybe a few tears.